The moment the ball drops always ends up feeling the same, in a way. Cathartic, yet mundane. All wrapped together with a whisper. That’s why I’ve always loved it. Maybe it’s because New Year’s Eve (and even the week leading up to it) is the perfect in-between of reflection and aspiration. In this moment, amidst the end-of-year recalls and resolution planning, a quiet, magical pause happens. You feel cemented in the present.
This is why it’s always been hard for me to decide what is the right way to spend it. There is no right way, of course. And I’m inviting myself and whoever reading this to take the pressure off this year. My mother always told me that on New Year’s Eve you should put yourself in a mindset or environment that you want to feed into the next year. For me, this felt more than just making a wish — an act that always stressed me out whether it was related to birthday candles or wishing fountains — but more about feeling as aware as possible of the time passing while standing in the magical in-between.
When I said that the feeling of the ball dropping feels the same, I say that as a good thing. The sameness isn’t something we should run from or distract with something more glittery, but embrace quietely. If you feel something similar on New Year’s Eve this year as you did back in 2012, there’s a magic there that you can’t let go of.
For me, it’s easier to view it as a comfort holiday — a ritual that we fine tune over and over — rather than the biggest party of the year.
No matter how I choose to spend it, I always promise myself a couple things. To always listen to Aud Lang Syne, to always feel that magical pause of time and to always feel sentimental about it. Whether I choose to do that through a karaoke night with friends, a night at a club or a quiet dinner at home, those rituals have to remain.
And ultimately, I don’t want to view New Year’s Eve through a lens of scarcity but abundance. You should feel heavy with gratitude and hugged by the months behind you. Let the final evening envelop you like a blanket, instead of a rug that is swiped out from under you.
There’s nothing to be afraid of because we’ve done this before. The final day of the year is as meaningful as the first day of the next. It’s another chance to do it again. Once again, with feeling.
I shared my full, slightly more informal ins and outs list on my socials but I want to expand on a couple of them because a lot of them serve not only as good mantras for the new year but also as reflections on what I learned from the last year. Plus, a lot of them have connecting themes with some of my favorite letters from 2023. So here we go — a 3 in 1 deal, if you will!
IN: CREATING MORE THAN YOU CONSUME!
I’m sure we’ve all experienced TikTok or Instagram brain rot in one way or another this year. My relationship with the online world has always been complicated. But as much as I do have a fondness of being online in many ways, I’ve come to terms that I need to find a better balance with it. There are many solutions to this but this is what I’ve reflected on this year; halting our chronic consumption with meaningful creation. And sometimes, that means using your attention towards social media as a weapon against it.
This idea was also partially planted in my head by a TikTok mutual, Joe Czuba, who creates amazing content on how to reclaim your attention span from social media and feel more “human” on the internet. His philosophy really struck a cord with me — because I found that every time I posted a video that felt truly like me, I scrolled less and less. And I think this concept can be applied beyond creating on TikTok, but making and consuming art in general. So the next time you feel like you’re taking in too much, think about what you can put out.
IN: BUYING PHYSICAL MEDIA
This is greatly inspired by my partner, Evan, who has instilled in me the importance of buying blu-rays of all our favorite movies and TV shows in the last few years. Especially with the world of streaming services is becoming so nebulous, unpredictable and honestly, disappointing, it’s more important than ever to just have your own copies of your favorites.
But I want to extend this to myself with other physical media too, like exploring more unique magazine subscriptions (I’ve been getting The Gentlewoman for over two years now and it’s such a good dose of inspiration that takes me out of my digital scroll spiral) as well as listening to vinyls that I have from my dad’s collection. I was looking through his records recently and found a ton of Henry Mancini records — who I’ve only come to appreciate in my adulthood.
I feel so thankful that my dad kept all of these vinyls, trudged them back and forth from house to house. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it. And I hope to keep doing the same with the physical media that means a lot to me.
IN: CHANGING YOUR MIND!
This is definitely not a new concept, but I think it’s often framed in a way that is negative or flakey. But it’s as natural as breathing — changing your mind, and that needs to be embraced more. A mantra I started telling myself years ago was simply: “Give yourself permission to change your mind” so it always ends up on my New Years intentions list, because it’s always something I need to remember.
The importance of this mantra, to me, is the power it gives you. It’s a buffer in the back of your mind. It let’s you explore and play. It encourages you to treat your creative endevours and choices in your life as a scrapbooking session where you can remove, cut out or re-glue things as needed. Far too often, we act like everything we do is carved in stone. You can tear it all up and start over, in whatever way that feels right.
So instead, I allow the aspects of this abstract mess to breathe and live on its own. And most importantly, I give myself permission to look into a box, see what I categorized in there and move it somewhere else. — Love Letter #12 Containing the Multitudes, Oct. 2023.
IN: PERSONALIZING EVERYTHING
I think one thing TikTok and the internet in general has shown us is that none of us are as original as we think we are. And I think instead of craving to be as different as possible we should instead focus on what is the unique point of view we can add to everything we wear, create and do. You don’t have to invent something new, because I’m sorry — you won’t. You just need to personalize it, add a charm that reflects your story and be on your way.
IN: LETTING YOURSELF BE BORED
The me two years ago would be shocked by this — but stay with me. For years I was always annoyed when people would say they’re bored because I was a proud busy-body, but I’m realizing now that my irritation was completely misplaced. What truly annoyed me was when someone lacked curiosity and intrigue about the things around them. But being bored — that’s often at the very core of finding your creative vision all over again.
And maybe part of this is due to the need for a rebrand of the word, “bored.” I’m not bored, I’m simply meandering, lingering and dilly dallying. Because at the end of the day, not every single moment of my life needs to be filled with stimulation!
IN: APPRECIATING WITHOUT PURCHASING
Essentially: we don’t have to own everything. This is a mantra I picked up for myself as I was trying to fine tune some of my attitudes around intentional shopping. Not everything you see in a store — no matter how moved by it you are — needs to be in your closet. This is important for stomping out our culture of overconsumption but also for letting your taste and personal style be molded by things outside of what you purchase. Because having shopping experiences where you don’t buy something still is valuable — it’s information that tells you what you like, what you don’t like and what is/isn’t worth the investment.
I’ve flirted, I’ve tried her on and of course, I’ve admired. But I don’t think she’ll ever go home with me. […] It reminds me that I can appreciate beauty like this in stores without immediately needing to own it. — The Browse #004: Vintage Variety Hour, November 2023.
OUT: OVERHEAD LIGHTS
Self explanatory! But this alligns with my goals around bedtime and how I’m making it a higher priority this year. Especially if it’s after 6 p.m. in the winter, we’re only using lamps for ultimate coziness and to balance out our circadian rythyms, OK?!
OUT: UNCOMFORTABLE SHOES
This past year especially, I zoomed in on my shoe collection more earnestly than ever before. Our footwear is an interesting part of our wardrobe — sometimes forgotten or overly focused on. To me, as I’ve leaned more and more into the importance of comfort and practicality in my clothing, I’m realizing that uncomfortable shoes simply have no business in my wardrobe. Especially when the options for footwear are so wide and abundant.
I think we often see the concept of practicality as something you need to adapt around when getting dressed instead of centering from the start. — The Practical Magic of Getting Dressed, September 2023
OUT: RUSHING TO GET TO THE FUTURE
I wrote more about this in my second newsletter, Mundane Magnificent (a project I hope can serve as a more literary companion to The Changing Room — so stay tuned for that!) but in short: I’m giving up on obsessing over the future. At some point I went from feeling inspired by it to feeling crushed by it.
This doesn’t mean I can’t plan or organize, it’s just that I can’t let myself obsess about the next 5 or 10 steps ahead. Because in the end, it makes me feel numb and outside of my body. Instead, next year will be about finding ways to feel rooted in the present as best I can.
The rush towards the future suddenly felt like the biggest magic trick of all, feeling less real than God or fairies or even fortune tellers. Suddenly, there was no need for all that when you realize tomorrow is already real. It’s all there, after all. Today. — Losing Grip on The Future, November 2023.
And that’s all I have for now. Thank you all for being here with me this year. If you’re a new or old subscriber, I want you to know it means the world that you’re here, reading and spending time with me. Happy New Year and see you on the other side!
💌 Yours, Arbela