Love Letter #008: Patience as an accessory
Some thoughts on patience, de-influencing and Haute Couture week. Plus, more things I loved in January.
🎙️ICYMI: The third episode of The Changing Room podcast is live! You can listen here:
As it turns out, it’s really hard to take your time during the first month of the year. I feel like a little kid manically swinging my hanging legs in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I know they’re not ready for me yet. But I just can’t wait one more second.
January feels like a muted month — too timid to really make a mark or set the tone for the year. Instead, it feels like a gentle usher into the new year; a calming guide to help you get over the whiplash of the previous year’s buzzing end.
We often overlook January and almost want it to go by quickly, or maybe slowly — but whatever we want, the first month of the year never seems to deliver exactly what we want. But we too much pressure on it and we don’t thank it for everything it does do. January sees so much longing, yearning and impulsiveness. But at the same time, it sees resilience, hope, stubborn positivity and boundary setting. And of course, it sees all of the inevitable mistakes and shortcomings, puts a soft spotlight on them. But it doesn’t look down or judge, even though we do, when we fall back on our resolutions or we don’t keep our promises.
Most of all, January sees and implores patience. Patience by choice or patience by force — because whether you like it or not, the month eventually ends with an aloof, “that’s it!” And you have to just accept that you’re going to have to wait a little longer for that waiting room door to open.
This is why patience felt like a good theme to carry with me this month, and reflect on. Because that is truly one of the biggest challenges at the beginning of the year; pacing yourself, not jumping the shark, not getting ahead of yourself. Because while I embodied patience in many ways and saw the fruits of it this month — I also failed at it and rushed myself all the same.
Specifically in the world of style and taste development, it feels like the hyper-speed of trends has also come with a hyper-speed of people trying to rush themselves into becoming who they are by buying into the right trends, aesthetics or brands. When the journey and the wait is just as fun and definitely more creative.
But can you blame us?
🔮TRENDS & TOPICS
Patience is not something that is marketed, advertised or dolled up in the world of fashion enough. Even though from the perspective of many designers, patience is the secret sauce that is needed to make good quality pieces. But in the world of fashion retail, it isn’t a very stylish or marketable term most of the time (but who knows, maybe this will shift as companies become more desperate to relate to us and keep our attention).
But as of right now, we don’t really hear brands telling us to “take our time” and “have patience” when choosing what to buy or not to buy. No, because then there’s too much of a risk of us not buying anything at all. Similarly, we often don’t applaud designers for taking their time in evolving their looks and styles. Instead, we critique them for not evolving fast enough with their collections. We always want something bold, innovative and daring to blow our minds, before we’ve even gotten a chance to let the previous year’s collections sink in.
But do we ever stop to celebrate the minuscule ways that designers improve on their designs over time? The way those small details add up to something bigger after years? By adding details, by going through trial and error and even sometimes, sticking to their roots?
Patience, after all, is so crucial to a more sustainable relationship with fashion as we know it.
We always want something bold, innovative and daring to blow our minds, before we’ve even gotten a chance to let the previous year’s collections sink in.
In the world of Haute Couture week, the focus shifts even more to appreciate the high quality details in making garments. It’s meant to celebrate the pieces that take the most time, the most patience to make.
One thing I spoke about in my most recent podcast episode is the impatience that has poisoned many of us as consumers due to fast fashion. My guest, Ashley Bohanon, who is a small designer skilled in the art of haute couture, reflected:
“I definitely like the couture techniques and I think that’s why I finish the garments the way that I do. And that’s pretty much what warrants the price. Because I make it to a point where if you were to wear it inside out, it looks like a finished garment.”
And the irony of it all is even more apparent when countless designers like Ashley get ripped off by the very fast-fashion sites that we’re trying to avoid. All the while TikTokers search the internet for perfect, identical “dupes” for half the price and quality. So we get the desired item faster, cheaper and with less wait time. But at what cost?
It also feels apt for me to mention the recent talk on TikTok around the idea of de-influencing (a tag that has amassed over 50 million videos on the app alone). While the trend is focused around feeling repelled by the traditional view of influencing, I’m now realizing the ironic, paradoxical nature of it —because it is just another form of influencing, right? Someone telling us to not buy something and instead, run (don’t walk) to buy another?
But the feelings and frustrations behind the de-influencing videos speak volumes nonetheless: people are sick of being sold to, constantly. And they’re dizzied by the sense of urgency advertisements put on us. I think one important distinction I’ve realized through this discussion is that we must start separating the word “need’ and the word “want” at times.
Because the word “need” immediately ensues panic, rush, a MUST-HAVE-IT-NOW kind of attitude. I’ve been guilty of this too, because of how emotional I feel about clothes and finding a perfect item. But similar to how my dad used to hate the word “absolutely”, we need to be careful about these terms that invite extremes.
My intention has been to try and view patience less as an annoyance and more as a superpower — something that serves as part of my ever-growing tool belt to build my style and taste. Patience can be a key in helping me unlock my fully formed self; to be sure about my tastes; what I want; who I want to surround myself with. All of that takes patience.
In turn, I tried (and failed) to go on a no-buy this month. While I didn’t succeed in not buying any clothes, I did gain valuable intel on what kind of shopper I am and the impulses I need to manage. I learned that I want to go back to explorative shopping — allowing myself to browse without feeling rushed or causing my blood pressure to spike. The sale section is not a life or death situation! But at the same time, balancing it out with specific wish list building that keeps me consistent and calm.
Clicking the purchase button on a piece you love is a good feeling, a great feeling even. But what’s better is when something is worth the wait.
I’m also reminding myself that often, patience can help you make the right decisions. It also forces you to use your natural ingenuity and creativity. Maybe you can’t buy that fancy jewelry box you’ve been saving up for, but what if you spray painted a cheese grater and hung your earrings on that in the meantime? And what if that reflected you more in the long run anyway?
Some other ways I’ve been practicing patience:
Avoiding thrift stores (because they encourage my impulsivity).
Growing out my hair.
Making a “long-term” wish list of more expensive items I really want, no matter how scary the price tag.
Falling in love with old items I haven’t worn enough.
Copious list making.
So always ask yourself: is this worth the wait?
Utilize patience an accessory, an embellishment if you will. Let it fine tune your senses and crispen your taste. Let it weave into your other shopping habits and thoughts on what you want, what you need and what you’re influenced by.
Every month I like to do a list called “A Love Letter To” where I share a disheveled list of things I came across in the last month that inspired me, made me think, or added a hint of style to my every day life. Some of these are purchasable, others are readable or simply bookmark-able. So, disclaimer: You don’t need to buy anything and that’s not really my goal here. Rather, I want you to look at them, let yourself be inspired.
And sure, if they speak to you…well, we’re only human after all.
💌 A LOVE LETTER TO …
A blue and white ribbon that reminds me of my folk dancing days.
This 2023 planner from The Completist which helped me it’s not that I’m not a planner girlie, just that I needed one that first my chaotic sense of organization.
A rug so bright and fun that it will zap you awake each morning (IS MY OBSESSION WITH COBALT BLUE APPARENT ENOUGH?)
Yet another rug, but this one is so small that you can use it for those small areas that still need love; in front of your full length mirror, in your entryway, next to your bed…
This man’s genuine excitement over his work-at-home monitor.
The thoughtful and sustainable styling service, Lotte which if you aren’t following, you need to correct that immediately.
The blue theme continues with this beautiful gin cocktail shaker.
My friend Nicky, who created the dreamiest, most versatile vest out of old drapes.
This red mirror for starting the day with a BANG!
The TikToker, @fckboyfuneral, whose music taste is so divine that I listen to every single album she recommends.
Inspired by Ace of Shades’ videos, I’ve recently become obsessed with browsing beautiful vintage lamps.
These 90s chunky earrings that are reminiscent of opulent sea-glass.
A pair of cozy and colorful mittens that will heal your inner child.
For your winter going-out needs: an interesting, slightly weird long-sleeve shirt to break up your sweater rotation.
This TikToker @brazindaa, who just started a series called “High Low,” where she shares her favorite an least favorite items in her closet.
A silk scarf that makes you feel like a beautiful table that’s about to be set…
Finally, a piece of art that celebrates the important things in life.