how did i get here?
what to expect from this little space I'm carving out for myself on the internet and a few (okay, more than a few) thoughts on blogging, making content, self-branding and where it's taken me.
Hi, hello.
I guess I should break down what I’m doing here. Although I’ve been trying to not think about that as much lately.
In 2007, I emerged on the internet. The Myspace landscape was scarce and unfamiliar, but would become simply another --
Wait that’s too far back. Let’s fast forward a bit.
My first experience “blogging” was in 2015. Since then, I’ve come a long way in evolving how I release my personal writing projects online or “content” in general. And I’ve been on a journey in the last year (you know -- since I have so much free time to speculate about myself and my purpose) to figure out exactly why, and when -- if ever -- I felt really authentic about what I put out online.
My first form of blogging came through Tumblr, where I would share, reblog and post in all caps about different fandoms I was part of such as Harry Potter (just the films) and the parody of the wizard story; A Very Potter Musical (IYKYK). I also enjoyed posting about Taylor Swift, films that had an abundance of British actors and at the end of the day, it was just about having fun. This was often really simple, not a lot of actual “writing” involved, but I do remember just enjoying my time for the most part, reposting things, live-blogging Glee season finales and just nerding out with other users about things we liked.
Shortly after I left that side of Tumblr (RIP) I started a more offical writing blog through Tumblr called The Battle of Arbela where I at first wrote personal essays, which I was quite proud of. Later I got a domain and and switched to writing more about style tips, fashion, but mixing it still in with my personal life, which I did have a lot of fun with and helped me gain confidence with writing about fashion (a topic I was told a lot throughout journalism school was too trivial or unimportant for a real writer to take on).
But somewhere along the way — maybe between trying too hard to brand myself and connecting my blog too closely to Instagram — I lost my zest for it. Even though I was technically doing all the right things: designing a readable site, creating a schedule for blog posts, asking friends of mine who have more experience with content creation, and even getting a proper logo designed. When I recently mentioned to an internet friend of mine how I feel like my Instagram and blog haven’t felt like “me,” she was shocked, saying it seemed like I had it all together.
And I was — sort of. Around the time, I had a note in my notes app that read, “HOW CAN I BRAND MYSELF IF I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM?” and although kind of simplistic, it does sum up how I’ve been feeling. During most of my time on the internet, my life -- or my curated life ,at least -- my motivations came from what my “brand” or “aesthetic” I wanted it to be, rather than my actual ideas, topics, fixations, etc. I remember in my freshman English class I was in a meeting with my professor and I was frustrated because I couldn’t figure out what the format or organization of the essay should be. He gave me some simple advice, that I ended up holding onto to this day which was: let the topic and the ideas guide you, not necessarily the format, worry about that later.
The idea of branding has become like an extension of ourselves, and it’s different for everyone — whether you’re trying to brand yourself as a writer, a filmmaker, etc. But something we all have in common is the pressure to create a concise brand on social media. In an essay for The Cut about Instagram culture and how it’s changed in the age of the pandemic, Stella Bugbee describes the sensation she felt after starting to archive some of her posts.
“My archiving exercise felt drastic, like cutting off a limb. I didn’t realize how much I used my own feed to reinforce ideas I have about myself to myself. I went back and chose a few examples that still made me happy and unarchived those, almost to prove that I still existed — also so that the work I had made and posted wouldn’t be forgotten.”
I felt similarly about my Instagram and my blog. I felt the urge to get rid of my blog and even my Instagram, but it did indeed feel like cutting off a part of me. So this year I’ve been attempting to dissect and detangle that, along with figuring out my relationship with other social media platforms as well (even TikTok, an app I was excited to start making content on, felt exhausting right now. I removed it from my phone for now but might revisit it later). I truly felt like this part of me, online, along with even my Instagram didn't’ feel like me at all. But, the thing is, I had ideas still coming in, just not sure where to place them.
So what to do then?
I guess for me, I needed a clean slate. Via this new medium that has a bit less of aesthetic pressures and also serves as a newsletter (a format I’ve been wanting to experiment with anyway). My blog is still up and it will still be there and you can probably find some photo essays and maybe some style tips when/if I decide to lean into that kind of content again.
The point is, for now, I’m trying something different.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
You know that feeling when you exit a changing room and feel completely transformed by an outfit or piece that you just know you’re going to go home with? That's something I guess I’d like to recreate, for myself and whoever would like to read along.
Because a lot of these posts may feel de-javu to anyone who has visited my blog in the last 3 years, as I'll be taking some of the topics and bringing them to a new life here. Along with pulling from other social media posts, forgotten drafts, half-written essays, unfinished pitch e-mails, journal entries, etc. and repurposing and reprising them here. What's the difference? I won't be holding back on what I really want to talk about. Because I’m frustrated with my indecisiveness and just want to act.
Topic-wise, what you'll find here is fashion fixations, costume deep dives, media analyses and maybe even some humble thoughts on fashion trends. Pretty much any media I consumed or have consumed throughout my life is fair game, but to give you a preview you’ll definitely be hearing about Jane Fonda, my intense opinions on rom-coms, shower thoughts about TV shows I’ve watched, campy films from the ‘80s, period pieces and my endless yearning for The OA series to come back. I’ll probably discuss some more abstract topics as well and maybe start throwing in an interview here and there, who knows.
I also wanted a place where I can dive into things that maybe pop into my head after years of consuming it, or long after the “discourse” about a topic has “ended”. Working in journalism, you learn to prioritize the stories that are topical, newsworthy or are being talked about. Or the stories that have a certain angle or approach that fits the publication you’re writing or pitching for. And in terms of fashion, another love of mine, it goes the same way -- people usually want to hear what are the number one trends and styles everyone is raving about.
I remember I watched a random tarot reading a couple months back by an internet astrologer. It was a reading for Taurus (my sign) and she titled the reading “Take your dreams on a test run,” which resonated with me so much that I decided to put a sticky note of it on my monitor. Because that statement made me face the fact that I’ve been having this complex where I wouldn’t let myself release any kind of work until it felt complete and perfect or I would lean the other extreme and do too much, too fast, unable to keep up with my own grand expectations. Whichever one of these were the case, it led me down a spiral of indecisiveness and resulted in a graveyard of unfinished projects that continued to mock me.
So this is a test run. A try on, you might say (get it -- cause of the name).
A format to expect:
Truly, I’m still figuring out. I had first wrote out this paragraph with a clear format, but then it changed my mind three times. And the point of this is not to worry about that. The point is to have fun with writing again. To give you an idea, sometimes it’ll come in bulleted lists of movies/TV shows or fashion I observed throughout the month, or sometimes it’ll be a lengthier essay ruminating on the costuming in a specific piece of media or looking back on a rom-com that I watched years ago that I view from a different perspective.
Above all, I’m allowing my ideas and curiosities run the show, not the formatting.
Well, that was my attempt at giving you an idea, dear reader, because I really value your time and attention span. You can subscribe, if you wish. I don’t have the energy to spam you, I promise! You’ll find me in your inbox once a month, three times, tops. And if you don’t subscribe but are still reading this, I love you all the same.
Regardless, I hope you stay and have some fun being curious with me. All I hope is that you find something interesting and try it on for size.