Earnest girl summer 💐
I'm choosing to release my irony poisoning and wear every experience with earnest.
Hi!!! Okay, so it’s been a while. I took a break from the newsletter in May because it was Taurus season and felt the need to ✨rest✨. But then that accidentally leaked into next month, for various reasons. Oh, and friendly reminder to donate to your local abortion funds. If you’re in Ohio or just want to support, be sure to donate here or here. Or, if you just want some all-in-all resources, check this helpful google doc created by The Slow Factory.
Stay safe and raise hell. ❤️
The topic of earnestness came to me shortly after I peeled off a sweat-soaked purple velvet dress off of my body after my 27th birthday party. I decided to have an ‘80s themed party because I realized that after the last couple of years, I wanted a theme that would allow me to totally let go.
On my Instagram I later reflected:
the ‘80s to me has always reflected EARNEST EXCESS and OPULENT FUN — everything was about more, more, more. at least in retrospect, we look back at the 1980s with comments like, “oh the shoulder pads were just too big, the colors too bright, the hair too voluminous, the lipstick too pink!” it’s when maximalism shined and the music recharged you like a battery. it’s when the gloves went HIGH and the necklines were LOW. to me, it just represented a neon colored attitude that didn’t apologize for what it was; it was loud, glittering and just a little bit gaudy. it wasn’t trying to be too cool, it just was cool. because what in the world is cooler than being your whole self on the dance floor, dripping in velvet?!”
The idea of the “cool girl aesthetic” is not necessarily new. But it gets a resurgence with different names and definitions every year, it seems (think: the french girl, the danish girl, the grunge girl). It now comes to us in the form of TikTok moodboards, articles and of course, shopping lists. This aesthetic or lifestyle (aren’t they all the same these days?) can be packaged, marketed and sold to us via our social media feed in a variety of ways. Maybe it’s a sleek bun, a low waisted mini skirt and a chain belt. Maybe it’s putting on your early 2000s sunglasses while a mashup of a Lana Del Rey song plays in the background. Maybe it’s a vintage silk slip, paired carelessly with some knee-high boots and a disheveled wolf shag cut.
But it all comes down to the same pursuit; to look like you don’t have a care in the world, like you are simply existing nonchalantly as the universe ushers you to the next scene of the low budget indie film that that is your life.
A cool girl aesthetic is one thing — especially if it genuinely matches up with your personal style! But being overly worried about looking cool and acting cool all the time is quite honestly, the worst. It’s a sham, it’s exhausting and it couldn’t be more opposite of what “cool” is. Cool girl summer, sure. If that means emulating the style of the coolest style icons you know (for me it’s the likes of Chloe Sevigny, Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan).
But as for the attitude I’m carrying around with me, I’m choosing to be more earnest.
I think the most stylish, chic and fabulous thing you can do for yourself, your personal style or how you present yourself is to be earnest. I know we’re all trying to be perfect effortless girlies these days but believe me, there’s nothing better when the effortlessness just comes without effort.
And how do you do that? You be earnest. I know, it seems counterintuitive. Because we think of earnestness as trying more, putting in more effort, being a try-hard. And as someone who has altered my personality because of all the times I’ve been called a try-hard throughout my life, that is such a sad way to stifle the most CORE and GENUINE sides of yourself. And to me, it’s the absolute opposite — when you are putting in all this effort to seem like the most interesting person in the room, you are not being earnest (or very interesting).
Simply put, when you allow yourself to be earnest, you are yourself. And another thing you are is fearless. You are not trying to fit some kind of standard of society or of yourself — because honestly, sometimes the standards in your own head can be just as bad as society’s. I need to think like this. I need to be like this. No, I’m this type of person so I would never do X, Y and Z.” Stop that.
Setting certain standards for ourselves may begin because we want to craft our personality and tastes; filtering out what isn’t for us and welcoming what feels like “us”. But losing earnestness along the way means we start to police our own personalities, thus cheating ourselves out of new and exciting experiences that may guide us into more complete individuals. The mold of our true selves starts to go away and instead, we start to sculpt a version of ourselves we think we should be.
I was thinking about this from a clothing standpoint as well. You can be a minimalist, a maximalist or something in the middle (which I believe most of us are), it doesn’t matter, as long as you are just honestly finding joy in your clothing and how you are dressing yourself, you are then being the most effortless and genuine version of yourself. I’ve recently gotten to a point with my personal style, where I feel myself genuinely pulled towards pieces of clothing to put on my body, instead of overanalyzing what this piece will say to others, or what another piece will communicate about myself.
A list of things that are cool and give off earnest energy:
‘80s music.
All shades of purple.
Stanley Tucci’s cooking videos.
Britney Spears’ perfume, “Fantasy”.
The Princess Bride (1987)
So why are we so terrified and repellant of anything earnest? In this day and age, it immediately gets the synonym of “cringe” or “trying too hard”. It’s like we feel repulsed by any kind of excitable, genuine energy, but then criticize people when they seem “fake” or “performative.” Could it be that they’re so terrified of coming off as too cringe, too eager?
It’s interesting, because if you look up the word earnest, one of the synonyms is “serious”. In Oscar Wilde’s famous satirical play The Importance of Being Earnest, the protagonist leads a double life (his alter ego’s name is “Ernest”) as a way to escape the rigid and serious expectations of society; to feel truly himself when he doesn’t have to be constantly performing his many roles and responsibilities. It’s a great play, that ties in greatly with what I’m trying to communicate here. One of the quotes in the play reads: “To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.”
But it seems as though — and maybe there are various interpretations of this text — that the idea of earnestness (and that word itself) is seen as the negative thing in the context of the play. The attitude that makes you too serious and too uptight. So maybe, I’m trying to modify the definition of earnestness here a little bit for our current time. Because now, in 2022, when we’re all so concerned about ironically liking things, appearing cool, or performing nonchalance, we start to trap ourselves in the self-serious attitude we’re trying to avoid.
For me, I feel like the people who take things too seriously are the ones who are overly concerned about sounding cool and convincing everyone around them that they are, instead of earnestly showing it. Because that’s exactly the problem — when you take your own standards too seriously. When you become too worried about cultivating your tastes and showing them off rather than leaning into them earnestly.
So maybe Oscar and I have different definitions of the word.
Taking things too seriously can either free you or stifle you, and that’s why my interpretation of living life earnestly means the former, not the latter. The iconic designer, Lee McQueen, whose designs have always had an earnest and rebellious wonder to them, famously said that “Fashion shouldn’t be taken too seriously.” And I wonder if this philosophy is partially the reason why he allowed himself to have true and unfiltered fun with his work and create some of the most iconic collections of all time.
In this way, you free yourself and release yourself of other people’s analyses. You take your passions seriously, yes — their craft, their meaning, how they show who you are. Another thing McQueen spoke about was how in fashion, everything has been done before in some way, so there’s no use in bending over backwards to be the most unique person in the room — instead, it’s all about how you do it and show your point of view.
In that same interview he later says, “To me, there’s no morals in fashion anymore because people put so much importance on fashion that all the morals have gone out of it. A clean cut suit, that’s never going to come back because people are trying too hard to be different.”
I also think that people worry that being earnest means sacrificing your sense of mystery. I humbly disagree! I am a big proponent of mystery and bringing out your natural sense of mystique (I actually wrote about it here and how it’s tied to our curated social media presence). But what I don’t agree with is the notion that being mysterious means you need to hide everything all the time, pretend you don’t like something when you actually DO, and minimize the things that make you happy, at ease or thrilled. No, that’s not true mystery. That’s fabricated mystery — and any good detective can solve that in a second.
Mystery isn’t the absence of sharing. No, mystery is the presence of curating; being selective in what you bring forth and what you hide, and when you choose to reveal it! You don’t need to delete your social media or go into hiding to be mysterious, you just need to be earnest (when it feels right) in what you show and don’t show. And then, THEN! One day a beautiful thing will happen; you will surprise someone. Whether it’s an old friend or new acquaintance, someone will have a preconceived idea of you (as everyone does) and then a day will come when you’ll throw them for a loop. They will be totally taken aback and say, “Wow, I didn’t know that about you.” And that’s mystery, baby. Being earnest doesn’t mean laying it all on the table. It means: Keep them guessing!
I’m not here to convince you that you need to be earnest all the time. Simply because it’s impossible and entirely not the point. There are going to be certain things that you don’t feel that earnest about. So don’t push it! But I’m telling you that it needs to be the dancing partner that goes hand in hand with mystery, coolness and effortlessness — all of those things we are constantly striving for. You can’t opt out of it completely.
Especially in the culture we live in today, where everything we post or talk about has a heavy mist of irony over it, I think a hefty dose of earnestness can go a long way. We live in a time where there’s a social currency of how nonchalant and cool you look; the Unbothered Olympics, dare I say. I think it’s partially because of the social media presence we’ve cultivated in ourselves — where each of our feeds (Pinterest, Instagram, TikTok), have to perfectly reflect what our tastes are and aren’t.
I don’t have a wishlist that steers you onto the path of earnestness — because whether you want to emulate Prada, Alanis Morisette or a maximalist TikToker, the earnest cool is going to look different for everyone.
But with that, here’s how to practice being more earnest:
Allow yourself to get excited and speak on a topic that sets your soul on fire.
Celebrate tiny accomplishments; out loud!
Say what you want; out loud!
Prioritize joy and fun.
Lastly, and this is one straight from my very wise mother; If you like someone’s art, project or piece of work; Tell them. Immediately. If someone impacted you in some way through a speech, class, etc., tell them.