Drum Roll, Please
29 things I've learned before turning 29
Hi, friend. I feel like I haven’t “addressed” my subscribers on here in a little while. Usually I just dunk you all into whatever stream of consciousness vignette I have cooked up. But I wanted to pause and say a big, earnest thank you — whoever you are, wherever you are — for reading, subscribing, sharing or just having a peek at my little slice of the internet on here. It’s my birthday and I’m feeling extra sentimental — so bear with me.
I recently hit over 1K subscribers which is *INSANE* to think about and I feel like I haven’t properly processed or thought of ways to celebrate it. Right now, I’m just trying to be as consistent and possible with releasing at least two posts a month for all of you.
But this also got me thinking about how reaching this number has been a very slow build; almost five years, in fact. So it’s a good reminder for anybody that things take TIME! And that’s okay! Because the all the moments leading up to it have been the best part. Since starting this newsletter, the biggest gift it’s given me is the ability to ebb, flow and recreate myself as I please. And having you all enjoy or take something away from my silly little posts is the cherry on top.
I’ve also stared to experiment more with non-fashion topics and themes on here — which I have to stress; has always been the goal! Because the topics of style and fashion have always been a vessel for me to talk about bigger themes in my writing. So, stay tuned!
And let me know if there’s anything you’re itching to hear from me: certain topics? Guest writers? Interviews? Advice column? The sky’s the limit but I want to hear your thoughts too.
So, to kick off my ascent towards 30, I wanted to share some pearls of wisdom I would tell the 19-year-old version of myself. Here’s a list of what I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) in the realm of creativity, growing up, ego death, and so on. 29 is an odd age because it’s overshadowed by the big 3-0, but as you all know, it’s the inbetween moments that get me most excited anyway.
As well as the drum rolls.
29 things I’ve learned before turning 29:
Romance yourself. Through taste, through sound, through all the senses. Find the song that you would send your crush and instead, play it for yourself.
Building community > networking. Every time.
Don’t tie your creative passions to corporate level validations. I did this for way too long and it messed with me. Once I let it go and realized my passions can stand on their own (and thrive on their own), my creative fulfillment really started.
Stop having FOMO for the wrong things.
It’s important to have a clean, refreshed space, but allow for the smallest amount of breathing room to be messy. Why? It helps you lose control, intentionally. That bit of mess will give you boundless permission to make more of a mess while creating.
Take your dreams for a test run.
You don’t always need to have a second opinion. Just start.
Slow down the way you consume things. You’ll find that you’ll enjoy it better that way. Re-read your favorite poem like a divine meditation. Revisit an article or movie you haven’t seen in a while. Sit things for a while. Don’t rush. Take 3 months to really READ a book.
Get some sleep.
Stop being so scared to eat out by yourself. It’s a beautiful thing to take yourself out to dinner. Get comfortable with being alone; being a little bored.
Your sense of joy and pleasure doesn’t need a sacrifice.
Jot down each thought in a journal like it’s the next great novel. Have a special diary just for impercet documentations of life, whether they be visual or in writing.
Don’t let your ego get in the way of your peace.
Nothing is worth losing your self-respect. Not even your dreams.
The day you stop wishing for a “big life” and start looking at the abundance around you is the moment you’ll really step into the life you want.
Drink out of a fancy glass more often. Use the good dishware. Why are you saving the beautiful things for the “right moment”? Expand your definition of special occasion.
Stop being so afraid of endings. They are also beginnings.
You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind.
Do more with your hands.
Experiment and play. This doesn’t make you flakey or inconsistent. Your work should surprise others too.
*Takes a deep breath* Sometimes, moving to a “big creative city” isn’t always the answer. I’m glad that I stuck around where I am now to find the hidden gems, artistic communities and meaningful connections that help make my dreams a reality. Maybe I’m a dumb optimist, but I believe this exists everywhere in some way. You just have to look for it.
You aren’t what you do. Your existence isn’t definted by your output or how productive you are. You are what/who you love.
When in doubt, always give more compliments.
Don’t obsess over people misunderstanding you — sometimes they just will. Apply this to both friends and strangers.
At the same time: be clear about who you are. Stop with the “Kind of’s” and “I thinks”. Be firm in your decisions (unless you’re not sure — in that case, just say that. It’s okay to be unsure). Be proud of your decisions when you’re firm in them. Then, people will misunderstand you less, hopefully. But regardless, you’ll feel more sure of yourself.
Read more poetry.
Allow yourself to start something without being certain of how the end product will look. I have felt so much power and ease in simply allowing everything to be in flux. If you’re passionate about something, fixating on the end result and never taking the first step is a sure fire way to stay stuck.
Repeat your outfits.
If you don’t set a boundary, your body will.
As always, thank you for reading!
Yours, Arbela
💌