Closet Therapy: How do you look so thrown together?
Redefining what matching outfits and the term, "put together" mean to me.
-Closet Therapy is an occasional essay series where I dig into my personal style building, what I’ve learned and what I’m learning.-
I received a TikTok comment on an outfit video that threw me (key phrase here) into a full-on personal style mediation. In the video, I was wearing an all black and navy outfit; a navy beret, tailored vintage black wool coat, a pair of black trousers and a vintage knitted sweater. For shoes? I went with a pair of classic dad sneakers (they were inspired by the Gel-Nimbus series by Asics I’ve been obsessed with lately) that I picked up at a thrift store. It was, in my eyes, a perfect outfit for a chill, Friday work day at a coffee shop.
A comment on the video read: “The mid-life crisis dad shoes threw it off.”
And what a read that was!!! Little does that person know how accurate of a statement that really was. It got me thinking about the ways in which I like making an outfit feel more “me”. Because my immediate response was: “I always like have something in an outfit that throws it off, tbh!”
And it’s true, it’s a term I’ve been using as a guide in my head when building outfits. Throwing an outfit off (whether it’s in a minuscule way or in a large statement piece) has become a core part of my style philosophy.
I think we put way too much emphasis and pressure on making outfits “match”. Like many obscure fashion rules we’ve grown up with, it’s a descriptor that can (and I believe, should) be edited to fit one’s personal style. And we are in the personal style revolution, ARE WE NOT? So, we should be celebrating mismatched outfits and all the styles and aesthetics they encompass.
I’m not sure why, but I’ve always been deterred by matching outfits. When I was younger I would put together an outfit for school and I’d tell my mom, “It matches toooooo much!” Something about it just irked me. This is why for a while, I was repelled by matching sets (especially during the co-ord set boom of 2020). Whenever I put them on it felt like the outfit just … stopped in its tracks and couldn’t evolve anymore. Which, for the record, could be a dream come true with someone else and their style. But for me, it left me feeling like there was something missing.
BUT: they’ve grown on me recently, especially once I realized that the individual pieces can serve different roles by being switched up, while living in harmony with the rest of my wardrobe. But when (and if) I do wear a matching set, I have the deep craving to throw something wild in there to create a beautiful imbalance.
I understand why this is a core way we view putting together outfits; to match them. But I think we get too religious with it, too strict, too stuffy. We do this not only with colors, textures and accessories but also with shapes and proportions. This is also how we get into the gross territory of policing people’s bodies instead of focusing on if an outfit is GOOD or if it’s true to the person wearing it. Sort of related: I love love love that more fashion creators online (both young and old) are rejecting the idea of what is “flattering”. Rightly so! Because the rules of what is flattering and isn’t were never created with what WE LIKE in mind.
Look, I get it. An outfit has to “make sense” to a certain extent. But listen: I think we forget that WE can make the grading rubric (the blueprint, what have you) to what it means for an outfit to match, go together, etc. We can create our own standards. We can create the rules and even more importantly: we can break them, too.
A couple general ways you can throw off an outfit courtesy of Miss Pinterest:
This image from Miss Sixty’s 2009 show caught my eye immediately. Because it’s so simple — dark wash jeans and a white top — but there’s also a very specific styling detail that THROWS IT OFF perfectly. The model is wearing an empire waist top that you would usually wear untucked and let it flow out and contribute to the silhouette in that way (most likely covering the top half of the jeans). But instead, it’s tucked in, showing off the belt and yes — it looks a little off. But it’s so good.
Many of Martin Margiela’s styled looks have the perfectly disheveled, slightly confusing, thrown off effect. I personally love this image from what I believe is their Spring/Summer 2000 collection. The simple switch-out detail of using stockings as a tie for the overcoat is both artistic, daring but also inspirational for ready-to-wear looks as well. It sends my mind racing! Why don’t we switch out matching coat belts more often? Maybe with a piece of fabric or tulle? A scarf? Yes, even some pantyhose!
But at the end of the day, it comes down to your PERSONAL STYLE CRITERIA.
I remember I was in a media criticism class in college that had a very mean but very smart professor. One thing he taught us was about how when critiquing a piece, you have to write out certain CRITERIA that the piece needs to meet. Some are predetermined by what generally society deems as a “good piece of art”, and that’s where he had us start. But as I remember (or maybe I just interpreted his teachings differently), part of this is also about setting your own qualifications to what is good and what isn't’. And then you go off of that.
So for example, for our first assignment he had us critique a painting. Everyone focused on slightly different elements on their grading. For me, I judged the textures and contrast of colors created (and the emotion it made me feel). Another person may have judged the way the horizon and land was divided, and so on.
But I think it can be applied to constructing and creating outfits, too. You can choose what “balance” is defined by. You get to decide what “put together” or “flattered” means to you.
For example, TO ME, a good outfit means things like:
Almost always having at least 1 (no more than 3) surprising elements in it. Even if they’re minuscule and only I know about them.
Mixing silvers and gold is OK — but if the majority of my jewelry is silver, only include one or two gold pieces to keep it balanced (and vice versa).
Unless I’m going jogging (ha!), a casual sneaker should always, always be paired with something more formal.
You see what I’m saaaaaying? The balance you strike (or don’t strike) is entirely and utterly up to you. Having something throwing off my outfit is good because it meets my rubric. I pass with flying colors. If I matched the outfit in question with a pair of oxfords or loafers, it would’ve still been fine — stylish even. But I wouldn’t have passed my own test! The one that matters the most.
I also think this is a good way to make sure you’re not getting sucked into the meta tsunami of different aesthetics popping up every other week. Far too often we’re being convinced that everything needs to fit in a neat little category, a perfectly curated vision (often created by someone else, or worse — a corporation trying to sell us things).
And if you find an aesthetic that speaks to you, that’s superb. But always ask: how can I make this more me? Turn the dial a bit more? How can I put something surprising or even opposite of what this aesthetic’s rubric is? In other words, no matter what, make sure your’e following your style rubric.
Maybe what I'm also trying to do here is find a new antonym for the term, “put together”.
The opposite of put together is usually phrases like sloppy, unbalanced, messy, etc. But I don’t think that’s always fair or accurate. If someone’s personal style is to make something look a little off, a little unbalanced, does that mean they don’t look put together?
So, I’m trying to find a new definition for it — maybe it’s UNDONE, THROWN OFF, or maybe simply, THROWN TOGETHER; It’s the secret or loud ways we make an outfit ours. It’s our tiny little styling experiments confined in our daily work outfits. It’s the small, but radical details that makes a person stop and notice, question, react.