Giving up on Looking Interesting

And other thoughts on boring outfits.

While getting ready for one of the last summer nights out, I posted a photo of my story of what I was wearing, describing it as a “very interesting, boring outfit”. And that was truly how I felt in it; unassuming, yet still special. It was a pair of vintage Faded Glory jeans that I allowed to spill over a  pair of vintage Liz Claiborne kitten heels, paired with my go-to going out top (isn’t it amazing when you finally find one?); a one shoulder cinched black shirt from Mango. Finally, a shoulder bag in red, smooth leather. And it was one of the many ensembles I’ve worn in the last year that seemed to click and feel right.

I’ve had this euphoria moment with a lot of outfits recently, so I wanted to dissect exactly what was this missing puzzle piece that I finally found, after feeling so lost for so long. 

I’ve realized that one of the biggest things that has poisoned my personal style in the last 3 years or so has been my obsession with looking interesting. The term “boring” kept creeping up in my mind as I stood in front of the mirror; This doesn’t make enough of a statement. This led me to parading around in costumes that felt like the opposite like me, and in turn, I couldn’t play the role that the clothes were for.

Suddenly, my attempt to make each outfit interesting (especially when I utilized short-lived trends and pieces I wore once a year) made none of them interesting.

So about a year ago or so, I neutralized this problem by doing just that. Going neutral. Opting for the outfits and style combinations that I would otherwise describe as “boring” or “not enough” — and dissecting why I thought this in the first place! I also tried to opt out of trends as much as I could. Instead, I pulled inspiration from outfit formulas that felt like I could recreate and fold into with no effort — instead of pulling from a specific aesthetic that would be impossible to fulfill. Through this process I found myself gravitating towards blacks, grays and whites, instead of colors. I leaned in and followed that instinct. And it allowed me a palette cleanser or blank slate to help me map out what colors I actually like. 

With that, I had to tell myself that an outfit can just be an outfit.

Along the way, I have found a newfound love for skirts (short and long), baggy jeans, textured layers (that can be repeated over and over again) and something I’ve coined in my own head as the “wild card” method – where you wear the simplest, most predictable outfit you can think of (dependable jeans, a trustworthy white tee) and in the mix you throw in some kind of unexpected statement; a kitten heel, a bold purse, heck - even a fun eyeshadow or nail polish.

This doesn’t mean I don’t want my outfits to have intrigue. But just like anything in life, trying hard to look or sound interesting will make you appear as anything but. My drunken pursuit to look unique was causing me to feel the complete opposite — shallow and barely scratching the surface of my style. Suddenly, my attempt to make each outfit interesting (especially when I utilized short-lived trends and pieces I wore once a year) made none of them interesting.

On the metaphorical stage that is my personal style, a coat like this is the main star. And she doesn’t need any backup singers.  That means, everything beneath can be the bare minimum.

Instead, I’ve switched the vernacular up a bit in my head. A couple months ago, I began following stylist Allison Bornstein’s method for finding your personal style which is her “three word method”. One of the words I chose to describe my style is “surprising” — but I mean that in a specific sense. I don’t want to walk in a room and my outfit and for it to completely speak for me – or worse, wear me. I just want there to be elements, pieces or accessories that feel surprising in the full context of the outfit. A loud outfit simply doesn’t fit MY personality! But, a talkative one does. One that opens up a bit more every time you look at it. 

Hence why I love coats and jackets – especially ones that do all the talking. There used to be a time where I found a statement piece that I loved and never wore because every time I tried to pair it with something equally eclectic, it started to feel overwhelming to me. What kept going wrong? Honestly, it was because more often than not, a loud statement coat invited me to wear something plain with it. So why push it?

Chloe Sevigny’s outfits; always full of interest, too much.

On the metaphorical stage that is my personal style, a coat like this is the main star. And she doesn’t need any backup singers.  That means, everything beneath can be the bare minimum. Bottega Veneta’s new Spring collection seemed to even validate my sentiments by embracing simple, casual pieces. Part of this may seem like, duh! But for some reason — and I venture to guess it’s a combination of social media brain, the pandemic and trend fatigue — I had to rewire my mind for this to make sense.

To be clear, this whole conundrum of mine isn’t a case of maximalism vs. minimalism or colorful vs. neutral, but rather it involved worrying too much about my outfit’s performance, rather than its purpose. When I started becoming more passionate and moved by fashion, I wanted each outfit to speak for me, to project who I want to be through it perfectly. Essentially, I was putting too much pressure on these clothes, instead of working on my own emotional baggage and letting the clothes just be, well, clothes.

Our clothes can speak for us, yes, but they can’t fill in a missing personality trait, an underdeveloped interest, an antidote to an insecurity. That’s simply putting too much pressure on these frocks and materials. And at the end of the day, descriptors like boring and interesting are extremely relative, and the most fascinating thing you personal style is the personal part.

Of course, this is just my philosophy – one that I’m still weaving as I get dressed every day – for how my personal style is forming each day. You can take a page from my notes if you want, but you also don’t have to in order to be stylish. But what I do urge you – if you are someone who is utterly lost with finding your personal style, especially amidst the hyper-speed of moving trends, endless aesthetics – don’t get lost in trying to be something.