Waiting, lacking, wishing. That’s the sticky place I kept falling into when trying to pursue my dreams each year.

For 2025, I wanted to do more than make a wish. I wanted to be.

The big road block in my mind was a feeling of lack. A constant, annoying highlight reel of all the things I don’t have. So I knew that when choosing my resolutions, I had to somehow remedy that thinking.

If you’re gearing up to make your 2026 goals, let me suggest something around the theme of scarcity mindset. Especially if you’re trying to expand yourself creatively. If you don’t struggle with it, great. But let’s be so for real, you probably do.

I think it’s very ironic that with all the overstimulation and overflow we experience in our digital world, we so often feel like we only have crumbs to work with in our lives. This can tie in with whatever aspiration we’re trying to wrangle: careers, relationships, personal style, everything.

It’s understandable. Staring face-to-face with a blank space, an empty cup, a seemingly bare closet is the perfect way to stop yourself before you even start.

So, here are 6 prompts, affirmations, mindset shfits, whatever you want to call it, that really changed my mindset around it. These are things that go beyond just “writing a gratitude list” which I absolutely reccomend, too.

More so, these focus really shifting your perspective on the lack and abundance in life.

Am I cured from scarcity mindset completley? No way. But I have found things to be much more full than they ever were.

What we’ll cover:

1. Dealing with comparison and other people’s success.
2. Finding abundance in the unnoticed.
3. Believing in your inner inspiration.
4. The abundance of repetition.
5. Being okay with not doing it all.
6. Why there’s more than enough to to around.

Other vision board inspo via some of my favorite pieces from The Changing Room in 2025:

PS: If you’ve subscribed here recently from my 2025 gift guide, welcome! In addition to my letters around style and fashion, I also write at least one letter a month around creative wisdom and personal growth philosophies. I hope you stick around for all of it!

1. Another person’s success is not a detraction of my own

Specificaly, this can really help you if you deal with comparison fatigue. If you find yourself constantly focusing on what other people are doing, what they’re succeeding in and of course, how easily it seems to be coming for them. This can obviously create a lot of envy and frustration, which are both valid emotions!!! But, when those feelings overwhelm you and you view the good in someone’s life as evidence of your lack, that’s when we have a problem.

The wording of this really helped me because it almost reads as a math equation. Quite simply put: someone else’s (+) does not create a (-) of my own.

I think in some very specific instances this can be the case. But I’m talking about when someone simply minding their own business, pursuing their dreams/passions, starts to put a mental block on acting on your own ambitions. If anything, you should view it as a source of abundance.

Think of that person as the blueprint for what you’re having trouble envisioning for yourself. I.e.: Someone else did it, so can I!

2. There are things available to me that I haven’t even noticed yet

Every year, my vision board has a lot on it. That’s why I make a few. But the one thing that stood out to me this year? A simple magazine cut-out of two words: “Look. Look!”.

Sometimes, it’s the simplest phrases, words and images that can leave the biggest impact. To me, seeing those two words at my vanity every morning helped feed into my greater intention for 2025 which was around finding abundance, being aware and being curious.

Wenever my cup would feel empty, I that little phrase of “Look” reminded me that there is so much in front of me that I wasn’t noticing.

I think there are so many opportunities around us that we need to simply reach for and be open to. It may be hard to grasp, but not every solution to our lives is in the future. In fact, it could be right down the street or an Instagram DM away. I feel this very deeply from a networking / connection perspective (Talk! To! Strangers!).

If you need help with this, I highly reccomend reading the Substack, , if you don’t already.

3. My greatest inspirations already live within me

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I want my life to feel like an early summer evening.

When the sun begins to shift and the clouds rearrange, painting the world below a little differently. Something about that golden light makes you stop, slow down. Suddenly, the day (evening, whatever) feels elongated. It’s the end of the day, but it also feels like something is just beginning. I thought to myself: If I could bottle this feeling up for future use, I could finally slow down.

About a month ago, I came across a TikTok that I cannot for the life of me remember who made it. But to paraphrase, the idea was this: “If you feel like you’re running out of time, slow down.” And I’ve been sitting with those words a little bit and realizing how true they are.

Then, I came across this interview with Irish philosopher and poet, David Whyte, who recited part of the poem, “Lost” by David Wagoner. He commented how there is a “profound” power in “the ability to be silent” with yourself. Specifically because it let’s your mind quiet, it calms the doubtful voices in your head and allows you to actually take action.

The common denominator I found is this: constantly being in a rush doesn’t get you anywhere quicker. Ironically, it burns you out in a way that causes you to move at a glacial, unsustainable pace.

And where does this feeling of constant rushing come from, really? For many of us, it’s due to an aching feeling of unrest. An ache that is so hard to fix or remedy. So when someone says “just slow down,” it might make you feel like punching someone.

But it’s true. The answer really is, to slow down.

And that’s why I’ve been trying to take note of how I feel during a warm summer evening. According to nature and the sun’s clock it’s still long and and beautiful; surprising you with each turn.

As I’m publishing this, we’re about 4 hours away from golden hour (EST). So, I hope after reading this you feel encouraged to soak up every moment leading up to it, during it and every one that comes after.

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7 Ways I’ve Been Slowing Down

1. Watch thoughtful interviews with interesting people

I think we often forget the treasure trove of slow, thoughtful videos and interviews that are on YouTube dot com. Some may often associate the site with fast-talking creators and daredevil challenges. But I urge you to look into the cave of slow content on there because you will find some gems that will slow you down rather than rev you up.

Derrick Gee’s YouTube channel is a good example of this. He invites different artists (recently, Lorde) and each of them pick a song to listen to — really listen to! Also: any of the videos from the Louisiana Channel are a good pick for this as well. I also like this lesser known channel, Nonesuch Records that has a series similar to the Criterion Closet series where different people pick their favorite vinyls and albums and chat about them. Although short, these episodes have the same feel of slow content in my opinion.

Something about listening to a slow and enriching conversation between two people feelsl healing in a way. It’s like I’m acclimating my brain to talking slower, consumer slower and really paying attention.

But you can find your own version of this, whether it’s comedians or history documentaries. My only reccomendation for this is to make it intentional. Try your best to not do anything else while watching. Or if you must, do something that keeps you still.

2. “Paint your toes”

I CANNOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS! But I had to share because I saw it on TikTok from a very wise woman who shared that whenever she found herself rushing for no reason, she stopped to paint her toes. In her words, this would put her in a temporary “nail polish jail” for at least 20 minutes and it forced her to slow down. I can say with confidence that this in fact worked like a CHARM for me and I will be doing this more.

@fivehundredandtwentyfiveUrgency is an illusion that doesn’t make you go any faster than you already are #fyp

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This got me thinking of other things that could serve the same effect as putting yourself in “nail polish jail.” Here’s a couple other random ones that came to mind:

• Putting on a face mask.

• Doing a deep conditioning treatment in your hair.

• Foot mask!

• Going through a car wash.

3. Have a standing appointment with nature

I think we often forget to stay in touch with nature around us. Instead, we view it as something that is merely part of the backdrop of our lives. I’m learning more and more that we must take the time to bring nature back into the foreground. Not only will this literally ground you but it will each you about the value of slowness.

Going outside, usually in the mornings, and touching my bare feet to the grass has done a good job of stopping the internal speedrun going on inside my head most days. At least during the summer, this has been incredibly healing and probably the only thing halting my morning anxiety. I’ll have to figure out what to replace this with when it gets colder (but that’s a problem for future me).

It sounds simple, but find something like this to do every single day that grounds you and connects you to the earth. Make it a recurring meeting. Maybe it’s watering your plants on your balcony, taking a dip in a nearby lake or pond, going on a long walk, etc. Or it could be just taking notice of the birds or swaying trees outside your window!

4. Look up photos of fabulous older women

A big part of really allowing yourself to slow down is to make peace with aging. But that’s a lifelong journey that we’re all going to be on for a while. Still, I think a step toward the right direction is rewiring our brains so that we stop viewing aging as an equivilant to runing out of time. When it simply means, there are much more seasons and phases to come.

One way I’ve been trying to do this is by filling my social media feeds with more older women. It sounds silly, but what you see (even on the digital scale), you start to believe. I added Peggy Guggenheim above because every time I see these fabulous photos of her in a gondola it refills the proverbilal cup in my rushing soul.

I also started curating a private Pinterest board labeled “FOW” — Fabulous Older Women. If you do the same, might I also suggest adding this photo of Pamela Anderson…

BUT! These women do not have to be celebrities or rich people — think of your great aunt who plays pickleball every week, your grandma in her garden or an older mentor who still goes out dancing.

5. Listen to slow ballads

Especially after my recent experience going to sound baths, I’m starting to really see (hear!) the the power that sound has on our nervous systems. So I would suggest getting serious about creating some playlists that are specifically for remedying your racing mind.

Listening to slow music is one thing. But this can mean a lot of different elements like:

• Contemplative lyrics.

• Soft, drawn out melodies.

• Isolated vocals.

• Soft echoes.

You get the idea. Ultimately, you want music that isn’t overwhelming but rather enveloping. It needs to make you feel like you’re in a slow motion montage in a movie. But also it needs to connect you to your own life, your own body.

I’ve come across many pieces of music that do this, including the entire album, “Tether” by Annahstasia or really anything by Leonard Cohen. But also: soft vocals and smooth jazz from artists like Julie London. And songs like “Song To Siren” by The Mortal Coil which are more atmospheric and put me in a hypnotic state. It’s something about how the singer draws out the words, let’s you taste and enjoy each syllable.

Same with the song “Frozen” by Madonna — a song that I always listen to during an evening shower whenever those Sunday scaries begin to creep up.

If you want something mostly instrumental and truly meditator-approved, I would reccomend this beautifully curated playlist, too.

6. Take your time reading a long book

I’ve been saying this for a while, but WHERE is the rush when it comes to reading books?! If you’re a naturally fast reader, I get it. It’s okay to fly through books if they’re really good, or the suspensful nature of them just demands for you to be on the edge of your seat. That’s part of the ride sometimes!

But I’m talking about my other fellow slow readers: we are putting putting incredibly too much pressure on ourselves! I think it’s also a good practice to pick at least one long, dense book where you allow yourself to take your time with.

I have books that I dip in and out of almost casually. Books that I put zero pressure on myself to finish. I sometimes switch up the medium that I consume the books.

Ex: I’ve been readign Catherine The Great’s biography for almost 5 years now (yes, you read that right). I keep dipping in and out of it and it feels like I’m letting myself soak up the book. Because really, where’s the rush? I don’t have a project due, there’s no homework, I have all the time in the world!

7. Daydream more

In order to daydream more, you must faciliate an optimal environment for it. This could be surrounding certain spaces in art and fragrances that put you in a warm haze. I would suggest the spaces where you find yourself in the most “I’m in no rush” mode.

One of the perfect places I will say are galleries and museums. But here’s the trick: Go alone! Find adventure in your own solitude! I love a good trip with friends but wandering through an art museum by yourself will heal your attention span a bit.

Put your phone on airplane mode and let yourself be taken in by the art. Don’t rush or feel dependent on anyone else’s schedule!

Alone time like this isn’t lonely. It’s expanding. It’s necessary to have this time to yourself; to react to things around you in the silence of your own company.

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Early spring feels like a lazy stretch.

We’re not hopping out of bed excitedly but we are noticing our eyes squinting in the sun again. Parts of our body feel awake, while others are still defrosting.

The changing of seasons (especially from winter to spring) is a perfect time to refresh your routines.

For one, you feel more rejuvinated to do so. And yes, this feeling of invigoration must be taken advantage of. Your mind may immediately go to closet cleanouts and planning garage sales. But since our buds are still sprouting, I’m here to remind you that your spring goals don’t have to be all life-changing right away.

For me, it’s more about giving myself enough breathing room to fail at your routines so that you can still continue doing them.

As someone who was raised on the girlboss, mega-optimizaion era, I’ve been trying to find the gentle balance between self-improvement and self-compassion. I believe they can work together. Part of that is realizing that consistency — the very fuel of a good routine — isn’t when you do everything perfectly, but it’s when you keep getting up, rinsing and repeating.

Here’s what I’ve gathered so far.

1. Keep a commonplace notebook

My recent favorite form of journaling has been keeping a commonplace notebook. And, in my opinion, it’s a great form of journaling if you don’t know where to start or feel overwhelmed about what is the “right” way to do it (spoiler: there’s not).

This ancient form of notetaking is where you don’t journal about what’s on your mind, but what you’ve been consuming.

You do this by recording it down on the page bit by bit, excerpt by excerpt. For some, this may feel like taking notes for class, but to me, it’s a much more freeing feeling of journaling if you’re just not in the mood to just write about yourself.

Plus: I soon realized that jotting down a mini archive of media I’ve consumed could tell me just as much about myself as a diary entry would.

Among other things, these pages have recorded some of my favorite passages (and reflection) from the novel, “Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay” by Elena Ferrante, quotes from Alan Watts and some of my favorite lines from Nosferatu.

I also highly reccomend these following YouTube videos talking about the art of commonplace notebooks and the different ways to keep them:

• Vashik Armenikus

• Robin Waldun

• Illustrious Shadow Planning

• Sinem

2. Exercise your rage out

If you hate exercise, most of the advice directed at you is probably telling you to go the easy route. Yoga, cozy cardio, etc. And I think those are fine and I utilize them, too. But: I’d like to give my own exercise tip for those lukewarm about exercise. Use it as a release.

A recent epiphany around excercise for me came when I noticed a pivotal feeling. There were moments when I felt deeply angry, frusterated or overstimulated and felt the need to run.

Unfortunately, I hate running. I’ve always known this about myself. But every time I felt this, I knew somehow, even though I hated it, it would release something in me and give me fuel for exercise.

Since this realization came at the dead of winter, I found something that fit me better: spin class. As it turns out, the activity that got me off the couch was riding a stationary bike in a dark room while an EDM remix of Madonna’s “Frozen” plays at full volume (Pro tip: find a spin instructor with good energy and even better music taste).

Of course, I invite you to find your own version. Maybe it’s kickboxing, tennis or even a vigorous Zumba class. Whatever gets the demons out.

3. Shower with the lights off

For many years, I’ve failed at being a morning person. It’s a battle I’m still fighting and trying to figure out. But recently, I realized that if I can’t control how I start my days, I can control how I end them. Since I shower in the evenings, showering with the lights off has become a big part of this.

I’ve been doing this for about a year and I haven’t looked back. I use everything but the overhead lights; multiple candles, a small light projector and even a tiny nightlight. I also use this as a time to meditate because it’s one of the oly times I’m away with my phone. The sensation of hot water and steam makes it the perfect time for it.

If you’re a morning showerer, a different version of this advice is just to turn ALL overhead lights off once the sun goes down (which I do anyway). Put lamps everywhere. Use those candles you only save for fancy dinner parties. Whatever your bedtime routine, do it by candlelight.

4. Make a playlist for everything

This may not be the most unique tip, but I’ll share it anway. And this can apply to whatever way you enjoy your music — Spotify, YouTube or spinning vinyls. The point is: pairing parts of your day with music has helped me in so many ways.

Maybe it’s partially because it’s difficult for my brain to switch tasks sometimes, but it’s helped incentivize and romanticize parts of my routine.

So far, the most successful ones have been a shower playlist (which includes both meditative trip-hop tracks but also Fiona Apple songs I can sing/cry to), a bedtime playlist and a morning tasks playlist.

And of course, the one I’m playing as I write this: my ultimate “romanticize my writing routine” playlist that you’re free to use if it’s your vibe.

5. Make intentional zones in your home

I know, the idea of having a “meditation chair” may sound a little Goop-y. But a space devoted for you to practice, well, devotion to yourself can make quite the impact.

As someone who has been working remotely since 2020, my main focus has always been to create the perfect workspace. I’ve spent hours of my time crafting an area where I can be most productive. But then I realized that I haven’t taken the time to designate a space for when I want to feel the opposite of productive.

Sure, I can relax on the couch and work on something I love at my desk, but those spots come with their own mental baggage. No, I need an area to recharge my brain in a different way — even if it’s a tiny corner of my home office.

Recently, this just includes a new (but simple) yoga mat and a little altar on the floor next to my reading chair. I’ve always been a floor kid growing up and enjoyed being close to the ground (classic Taurus behavior) so it just made sense to keep it simple.

The point is: I have all the things I want to turn into a ritual in the same place. So far, it’s made my morning routine more healing than painful and I’ve almost been using it as a little “timeout” space for when my anxiety becomes too much.

5. Take 20

In the recent years, my love for the Pomodoro technique as increased exponentially. It has became a necessary task accelerator during work and staying focused on personal projets. But recently, I’ve started using it as a tool to force myself to clean up around the house, address a certain task I’ve been putting off, take a screen break, etc.

Something about knowing you have an “end-time” makes your “I don’t wanna” part of your brain happy, but tricks you for long enough that you get a decent amount done. And sometimes, you’re so motivated that you go beyond 20 minutes! I will say this technique was first put in my brain by via one of her insightful TikToks.

Obvoulsy, you can find your own version of a Pomodoro app anywhere on the internet. But I also really love the app, Forest, where the time that you spend focusing on a task is measured by the growth of a virtual plant. It’s cute and guilt-driven — works every time. Or, get a physical timer so you double this time as a phone break as well.

In case you missed it:

There’s a new podcast episode live on my YouTube, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts! I had an amazing and inspiring chat with filmmaker and writer Alyssa Standen about her sources of inspiration and her recently released short film, “Trashy.”

I read somewhere recently that self-discipline will give you freedom. I also heard somewhere else that how you live your days is how you live your life. All of these well-meaning quotes and more have been haunting me for years as I continue to fail myself over and over again.

Specifically, my failure at being consistent creatively. Inconsistency is seen as the poison for any creative endeavor. We hear it all the time: find a consistent formula and stick with it. It make sense and the results speak for themselves. Except it doesn’t factor in the persnikitiness of our attention spans or our creativity.

So I’ve become bitter towards the word: consistent. Yes, as humans we need routine, repetition and rituals. But when they’re all wrapped up in this thing called “consistency” or “discipline” I feel like a child that was promised a chocolate sundae and got a rice cake instead.

I guess when it comes to my creative process, I want it to be sweet more often than not.

Recently, someone’s wise words on TikTok spoke to me: “discipline is a form of devotion.” In that moment, I knew I’ve been getting it all wrong. Discipine, especially when it comes to your creative endevours, is the repeated act of coming back to something for yourself.

But easier said than done.

A little while ago when Twitter was still Twitter, I released a yelp into the digital atmosphere: “Once I figure out how to channel my creative chaos into productive change it’s over for you hoes.” Humorous and a little wry, this was a plea to the universe and to myself that I can find a way to funnel all the ideas I have in a productive and consistent way. Because more often than not, my ideas feel like snowflakes in a snowstorm that I can’t seem to grasp and pin down.

And the worst part that comes with being inconsistent is having that sticky, heavy feeling of shame after. The guilt over not fulfilling your potential, for leaving your ideas on the shelf to rot away.

Eventually, I realized that this was a horrible cycle. Be inconsistent. Feel bad. Be inconsistent again. Repeat. At one point, I created some mantras to help deal with the consistent inconsistency of being a creative. These include:

• Give yourself permission to change your mind.

• Don’t run away from your contradictions.

• Allow yourself to star something without being completely certain of how the end product will look.

All of these mantras, that I tell myself and pass down to others, are the scaffolding of reassurence I’ve built for myself to balance out the fact that I suck at self-discipline. Because even after I failed the 100th time to have a consistent writing routine or break the promise to myself to wake up earlier to work on a project, I had these words to fall back on. That I can still keep moving along, and that something is better than nothing.

And yet. I willingly continue to overlook them and whisper to myself; “You’ll never succeed until you are consistent.” But I guess I’m trying to find my version of it that well, sticks. Could the secret be leaning into my own distractions? Finding the consistency within my inconsistencies?

I started to put together the bigger picture, that all of the ups and downs of creativity may just be baked into the process for me. Perhaps, running away from my distractions is what’s getting me in trouble in the first place.

In this recent article about the effects of screen time on our attention spans, writer Maya Beverly interviews a psychiatriast who framed distraction and creativity not as being at odds with each other, but playing an equal role:

“The key to being productive and creative involves a combination of focus and unfocus. My issue with focus is that it drains energy. It prevents you from seeing the competition, upcoming trends, making connections and being self-connected.”

This challenge with focus is at the core of why I feel like I fail at self-discipline and consistency. But that article made me think: what if in those moments that I’m feeling distracted, I’m gaining something else? As many of us know, the best part about art making is when you get in a creative flow. But I can’t, as much as I try, schedule my creative flow at specific times.

Maybe my flow state is my inconsistency. Maybe I just need to ride my own waves.

Of course, it’s all about balance. Later in the same article, the writer interviews a sculptor who poignantly says: “In a way, being distracted is part of the creative process, but it can become difficult to establish the lines between finding inspiration and weeding out unwanted or incessant noise.”

The problem is that all we have is toxic, unproductive noise around us these days. Noise pulling us to buy things, to give attention elsewhere, to scroll into the abyss. It’s hard to view distraction as a healthy thing when it’s sucking 8+ hours out of your day through a rectangular screen.

Perhaps, the solution is finding better distractions.

Until recently, I always thought I would find a way to channel my sporadic creativity in a consistent way. I was tired of riding the waves; I was stuck in the undertoe. I wanted it to be clean, repeatable, machine-like. And that once I figured that out then it’s over. I’ve done it. I’m there. Where, exactly, did I think I would land? Because I realize that all I’ve been doing is just that — waiting. As the water crashes into me over and over.

At one point, I started looking through other writer’s routines. This often leads to comparison fatigue and that same muggy feeling of shame to take over. But then, I came across Susan Sontag’s:

“…I write in spurts. I write when I have to because the pressure builds up and I feel enough confidence that something has matured in my head and I can write it down. But once something is really under way, I don’t want to do anything else. I don’t go out, much of the time I forget to eat, I sleep very little. It’s a very undisciplined way of working and makes me not very prolific. But I’m too interested in many other things.”

That last bit made me smile, gave me hope. We all have our ways of building these roads to where we want to be. They can be bumpy and even unfinished along the way. What I took away from that is that sure, Sontag maybe wasn’t disciplined. But you bet she was having the time of her life when writing.

So here I am; in the throws of motivation, stillness and stuckness — trying to find the answer. And I now see it for what it is, this obsession with being disciplined before I can allow myself to write a book or call myself a writer. Sinister distractions, all of it.

Another quote, this one from Joan Didion, kept coming back to me as I wrote this essay: “I write entirely to figure out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.”

That’s always been the point and I still forget it time and time again. If I want to figure out what my consistency is, I must write, I must create, I must build the road as I walk down it. And if I ever want to ride the waves, I must write, write, write. And I’ve done it in the past. Up and down, I’ve surfed the waters of my own creative consciousness and came out on the other side.

Maybe it’s enough to just build that pathway back, that muscle memory, that reason to return.

And at the end of the day, maybe it’s not about riding the wave, but catching it.

If you’re reading this, I appreciate you so so much! I also have a podcast that I’d love for you to listen/watch if that’s your thing. If you have any questions or ponderings about style and life, submit to my advice column here! Also: you can shop my closet here and follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

This year, curiosity is a word I’m meditating on. When I made my 2025 vision board, I was drawn to the words “Look. Look.” that I found in a magazine. The words called to me. Yes, look. Search. I feel a sudden sense of urgency more than ever before to practice the art of intrigue, to look, to ask questions, to write down.

I realize that there’s a certain comfort we feel in the idea of receiving. That’s why manifestation is such a popular buzzword every time the new year comes around. An article published in The Crimson about Manifestation TikTok talks about how the buzziness of the word increased alongside the communal feeling of uncertainty we felt 5 years ago:

“In 2020, Google searches for “manifesting” increased by 400 percent. The perceived autonomy that manifestation grants, assuring that our wishes do not have to stop at thought but may appear in our real lives, is understandably a refreshing change from the incessant distress of the news.” - Chelsie Lim

While the idea of visualization is something I use from time to time, I’ve been wondering if that’s the best tool I have in my arsenal when it comes to getting what I want. I’ve always enjoyed practicing it in theory but I dont’ think I ever really do it right or opt into it completely. Because sitting back and visualizing and waiting has never been my style. Which I know has drawbacks as well, such as a general feeling of anxiety and stress of constantly going after something and feeling depleeted afterwards.

And I wonder if we can do both? Sit back, wait, but also continue to look up and stay interested.

Because the last thing I want is to believe so deeply that what I want is coming that I stop practicing intrigue.

And I guess that’s the core of my pondering here: I worry when manifestation stops us from being curious. Because it often frames everything as being promised to us — what a powerful notion, indeed! But what happens when we start getting the things we wanted so easily that we stop searching for what we didn’t think we needed?

In other words, I’m not even saying manifestation doesn’t work. I’m saying, maybe we shouldn’t be using it that much because it may take something away in the process.

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I won’t lie, this idea was partially planted in my head by — what else? — a TikTok video. I was recently going through a bunch of my saved posts, archiving them on my phone and one of the first folders I prioritized was the one titled “WISE WORDS” — a collection of advice and words of wisdom that I want to refer back to.

As I was reviewing, a video that struck me was a simple format; text over screen with a girl sitting on a bus with headphones on. The text read:

“Manifestation is fun, but have you tried rapturous curiosity and opennness to what will happen, about which you have no slightest idea?” —

I think this idea spoke to me for a couple of reasons. For one, I feel that I’ve made my peace with the unkown because it can contain more abundance for life than the “known” sometimes does. Why are we so scared of these empty spaces that we don’t know how to fill? If only we could take the first step forward to at least try and fill them, we’ll see that manifestation may not even be needed.

Second, I feel that in a way, manifestation can’t exist without curiosity. Because I think the overlapping word here is “openness.” You can’t attract or manifest if you’re not open. And you can’t chase or follow your curiousity without openness. The key is to not close yourself off, no matter what form you think your destiny will arrive to you.

And maybe I’m misunderstanding the idea of “attract don’t chase,” but isn’t the chase the best part at times? But sure, the “chase” makes it sound chaotic, stressful — you’re in high pursuit towards the object of desire. This leads to burnout, emotional depletion and resentment towards the work you do (whoops, am I calling myself out here?) So maybe it needs to be the word “search” or even simply “look.” You can attract. You can search. You can do both if you’d like but you can’t do either if you’re not open to the often finnicky nature of life and all the surprises it most definitely has in store for you.

And one thing I’ve seen and experienced in my own life, is that along with the magic of life comes the math of it. Yes, you read that right. Because I truly believe that statistically speaking, the more you put yourself out there, search for things, take steps forward and say “yes” when it feels right, you really will start to attract things you never even realized could be possible.

When you search the art of manifestation, you get handed lots of prompts and affirmations. So I’ve been trying to curate my own list for this slightly inverted version towards getting the things I desire. You can write these down, keep them in your notes app, on a sticky note, etc. Here are some I’ve been sitting with:

1. Carry a notebook with you at all times. Allow it to be messy. It should serve as a net that catches any questions, ideas or curiosities you have.

2. Keep a running list on your phone or notebook of things you want to deep dive into later if you don’t have time in the moment. This could range from everything and anything (don’t limit yourself to whatever is in your creative niche or career. For example, my most recent ones are: brutalist architecture, Hypatia of Alexandria and Nicole Kidman’s relationship with Tom Cruise.

3. Before dismissing or accepting something, take a double take.

4. On your morning or evening walk in your neighborhood, locate three things that you’re drawn to for any reason. Write them down and then later pick at least one to deep dive into in some way (by redrawing the thing, going down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, etc.)

5. When talking to someone, encourage and remind yourself to ask at least 3 follow up questions about something they said.

6. Talk to strangers. Make the first move — and I don’t just mean romatically but platonically and professionally, too. Do it digitally through a cold DM or in person at a bar or restaurant. My tip? Always start with a sincere compliment and go from there. Or better yet, a question!

If you’re reading this, I appreciate you so so much! I also have a podcast that I’d love for you to listen/watch if that’s your thing. If you have any questions or ponderings about style and life, submit to my advice column here! Also: you can shop my closet here and follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

Hi, friend. I feel like I haven’t “addressed” my subscribers on here in a little while. Usually I just dunk you all into whatever stream of consciousness vignette I have cooked up. But I wanted to pause and say a big, earnest thank you — whoever you are, wherever you are — for reading, subscribing, sharing or just having a peek at my little slice of the internet on here. It’s my birthday and I’m feeling extra sentimental — so bear with me.

I recently hit over 1K subscribers which is *INSANE* to think about and I feel like I haven’t properly processed or thought of ways to celebrate it. Right now, I’m just trying to be as consistent and possible with releasing at least two posts a month for all of you.

But this also got me thinking about how reaching this number has been a very slow build; almost five years, in fact. So it’s a good reminder for anybody that things take TIME! And that’s okay! Because the all the moments leading up to it have been the best part. Since starting this newsletter, the biggest gift it’s given me is the ability to ebb, flow and recreate myself as I please. And having you all enjoy or take something away from my silly little posts is the cherry on top.

I’ve also stared to experiment more with non-fashion topics and themes on here — which I have to stress; has always been the goal! Because the topics of style and fashion have always been a vessel for me to talk about bigger themes in my writing. So, stay tuned!

And let me know if there’s anything you’re itching to hear from me: certain topics? Guest writers? Interviews? Advice column? The sky’s the limit but I want to hear your thoughts too.

So, to kick off my ascent towards 30, I wanted to share some pearls of wisdom I would tell the 19-year-old version of myself. Here’s a list of what I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) in the realm of creativity, growing up, ego death, and so on. 29 is an odd age because it’s overshadowed by the big 3-0, but as you all know, it’s the inbetween moments that get me most excited anyway.

As well as the drum rolls.

29 things I’ve learned before turning 29:

1. Romance yourself. Through taste, through sound, through all the senses. Find the song that you would send your crush and instead, play it for yourself.

2. Building community > networking. Every time.

3. Don’t tie your creative passions to corporate level validations. I did this for way too long and it messed with me. Once I let it go and realized my passions can stand on their own (and thrive on their own), my creative fulfillment really started.

4. Stop having FOMO for the wrong things.

5. It’s important to have a clean, refreshed space, but allow for the smallest amount of breathing room to be messy. Why? It helps you lose control, intentionally. That bit of mess will give you boundless permission to make more of a mess while creating.

6. Take your dreams for a test run.

7. You don’t always need to have a second opinion. Just start.

8. Slow down the way you consume things. You’ll find that you’ll enjoy it better that way. Re-read your favorite poem like a divine meditation. Revisit an article or movie you haven’t seen in a while. Sit things for a while. Don’t rush. Take 3 months to really READ a book.

   

9. Get some sleep.

10. Stop being so scared to eat out by yourself. It’s a beautiful thing to take yourself out to dinner. Get comfortable with being alone; being a little bored.

11. Your sense of joy and pleasure doesn’t need a sacrifice.

12. Jot down each thought in a journal like it’s the next great novel. Have a special diary just for impercet documentations of life, whether they be visual or in writing.

13. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your peace.

14. Nothing is worth losing your self-respect. Not even your dreams.

15. The day you stop wishing for a “big life” and start looking at the abundance around you is the moment you’ll really step into the life you want.

16. Drink out of a fancy glass more often. Use the good dishware. Why are you saving the beautiful things for the “right moment”? Expand your definition of special occasion.

17. Stop being so afraid of endings. They are also beginnings.

18. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to change your mind.

19. Do more with your hands.

20. Experiment and play. This doesn’t make you flakey or inconsistent. Your work should surprise others too.

21. *Takes a deep breath* Sometimes, moving to a “big creative city” isn’t always the answer. I’m glad that I stuck around where I am now to find the hidden gems, artistic communities and meaningful connections that help make my dreams a reality. Maybe I’m a dumb optimist, but I believe this exists everywhere in some way. You just have to look for it.

    

22. You aren’t what you do. Your existence isn’t definted by your output or how productive you are. You are what/who you love.

23. When in doubt, always give more compliments.

24. Don’t obsess over people misunderstanding you — sometimes they just will. Apply this to both friends and strangers.

25. At the same time: be clear about who you are. Stop with the “Kind of’s” and “I thinks”. Be firm in your decisions (unless you’re not sure — in that case, just say that. It’s okay to be unsure). Be proud of your decisions when you’re firm in them. Then, people will misunderstand you less, hopefully. But regardless, you’ll feel more sure of yourself.

26. Read more poetry.

27. Allow yourself to start something without being certain of how the end product will look. I have felt so much power and ease in simply allowing everything to be in flux. If you’re passionate about something, fixating on the end result and never taking the first step is a sure fire way to stay stuck.

28. Repeat your outfits.

29. If you don’t set a boundary, your body will.

As always, thank you for reading!

Yours, Arbela
💌

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